Do not eat this blog.

Glurge is a hateful thing.

Glurge is an umbrella term which describes those sickeningly sweet stories about disabled children, Jesus, puppies, and white people. The word comes from the sound the reader makes as he or she reads the glurge in question.

Why does glurge cause physical illness in the reader? Well,

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Mark Twain was a nineteenth century humorist and satirist, and was the single greatest person in history.

All the funniest things I have ever read in my life have been by Twain, and this is no exception.

My favorite book by Twain is A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court. It depicts the story of a workshop foreman who is hit on the head and inexplicably wakes up in England during the Dark Ages.

Not only is it a damn funny read, it also gives one a fascinating look into the actual culture of the Dark Ages.

Twain showed the people of the sixth and seventh century as they really were—spineless peasants who cannot even comprehend the concept of democracy, pretentious idiot aristocrats who can dispose of peasants as easily as we might dispose of a fly, and the Catholic Church’s complete opposition to progress on any front.

Did I mention that it’s hilarious?

You can even read it online if you want. I recommend it highly. Here’s a link if you’re interested.